A Rash, Neruda, 8 Tacos

I don't care for the thought of being allergic to home. The past two times I've come home, I've broken out in a rash on my chest and back. Very itchy. Very dry. The temporary solution? Benadryl (well, Waldryl). The eventual solution? That's a conundrum.

As I wait for the antihistamine to lull me into the deepest medicated slumber, I'm reminded that home is such a remedy. I desperately need this. I'm home with my family and best friend, and it's soothing. Being surrounded by familiarity and true unconditional love has a way of making bad things seem a little less tragic. And who can't use a little less tragedy?

"It's usually exactly what it looks like."

Another nugget of wisdom from Steven Lee.

It's true, you know. I was reminded of this over the past few days, for hurtful and shocking reasons. It makes me mad. It makes me mad that we can be so intentionally malicious to one another, that we don't seem to care about a moral compass. What happened to right and wrong? When did the lines become so blurry? Something casts a grey light over goodness and decency and love. This isn't right, and it stirs something in my heart.

We wonder why some people struggle with trust. It's not really that hard to figure out. How do you trust when your experience is riddled with stabs in the back and punches in the gut? It's sad. It's especially sad when we use God as our weapon or, even worse, our mask. We hurl insults and call them corrections, stones and call them tough love. We hide behind things like grace and redemption, but we ignore loving enemies, loving others the same way we want them to love us, loving them the way Christ loves us. We forget this everyday stuff. We forget because we're selfish, and we only give as much as we can get back (and sometimes not even that much). What has happened to us?

A little help...

but now

a spark

deep inside the forgotten abyss

signals deliverance

and as though being pulled

from nothing

you emerge as quickly as you fell

mysterious

miraculous

it can only be the work

of one who also walks the murky depths

standing guard

ready to rescue

"You look so natural today. No no no...I think it's pretty!"

Today has been pretty terrible, and I've managed to look like a microwaved version of death. (I'm sorry to my co-workers...and passers-by, really. This cannot be a pleasant sight.)

I wonder about people sometimes and tinker with the idea of audacity and inconsideration and how that looks when trying to form relationships with other people. It looks crappy, I've decided, and what selfish people end up with is a bunch of relationshit (pardon my french and awesome pun).

Is it clear I've been burned lately (and by lately, I mean today)? Probably. I'm not great at hiding the obvious. There are things I don't understand, things I can't pretend to like, things that make me angry when I think about them too long. What are these things, you ask? I won't give you an itemized list, but I will give you a piece of advice on how to stay off of it: If you have issues, find a corner somewhere, retreat, and get your crap together. Until then, though, you probably shouldn't involve other people (issue-less, mind you) in your confusion, yeah?